Bath Salts


I’m very disappointed.

I just tried one of those things you put in the bathtub: soft skin, it promised me, relaxing after a hard day’s work. I did read the fine print; the stuff about the key being the carbonated water. I plopped it in and it fizzed… but then Alka Seltzer does that too.

When I got in, I expected – I don’t know – the stuff to fizz around me, like sitting in a trough of ginger ale (not that it sounds particularly inviting now that I put it into words). Still, I was expecting something – tingly – pricking my skin. Not hard like pins, but a good prickly feeling, like petting an old man cactus with the tips of your fingers.

But all it did was turn the water blue; still blue water. If it had been cold, it could have been toilet water in a public rest room.

I guess I’ll never be rich. I could never enjoy it if I was rich: spa baths, whirlpools, all that stuff. I just like plain old fashioned bath water… what’s wrong with me?

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