I like MySpace… rather I like the idea of MySpace. I set up a Geocities website once about ten years ago. It had content similar to what I have been posting here. The difference was – of course – back then I had to write all my pages in Notepad with handmade tags and so on. I bought Office 97 basically because it would translate text into HTML. Anyway, I used that website to show who I was through my writing, some pictures, and so on. I met some interesting people via the World Wide Web; people I would never have met otherwise. I made friends with people from the Ukraine and Austria and around the United States and Canada. I got back in touch with a few people from college and even a friend from elementary school who had moved away when we were both seven years old. Like a lot of things though, the website took a lot of my time to set up and maintain and – eventually – my attention wandered; I forgot my password to the site or maybe Yahoo! ate it. I really don’t remember. In the interim between those original “Bob Files” and the present day, I got married, had a son, bought a house, became a very busy consultant and so on. I wanted to get back into writing online, but I didn’t have the time to create a whole website. Then I heard about MySpace. I checked it out and it looked like it would be a good thing to join up with. I got myself an account, posted some pictures and even a couple of video clips, wrote some blog entries and joined some groups and was happy to see that I was getting some friend requests.
Until I actually started looking at the requests I was getting.
They were all young women who apparently all had healthy sexual appetites (and even some potentially unhealthy sexual appetites)… and – if the proposition of wet and messy sex wasn’t enough – they all wanted to give me a PlayStation too. I have been spammed once or twice… In fact, I am constantly advised on how I can get cheap Cialis, free long distance service or meet some nubile young thing whose first name ends in “i”. However, I was used to just text; messages from “Lampshade R. Knuckleworthy” at wet-wet-wet.com. These friend requests on MySpace are different and seriously creeped me out. I checked profile after profile: Kassandra, Kailey… they all were new to MySpace, they all wished they could get more friends added to their sites because they didn’t want their friends to think they were losers, they all used to be shy (key words: “used to“), they were all single and all… Virgos, for some reason.
In this day and age, it doesn’t take much to send out an e-mail. I have no problem imagining some computer with a list of 30 point Scrabble words and a bunch of poorly spelled marketing templates just belching out spam by the gigabyte. But what kind of artificial intelligence is required to generate profile after profile in MySpace; each with their own interests, status and soft porn intro picture? And where is it all leading? I like to think true artificial intelligence will arrive on the day when these MySpace pod people will begin to spam each other. Then maybe they’ll sell each other knockoff Rolexes from China and help each other out of jams in Nigeria and basically leave the rest of us real people alone.
This is assuming, of course, I’m not the only real person left on MySpace… Hello??? Is there anybody out there???