How to Hog Tie a Chicken


Daniel has been pestering us for the last few weeks to cook something on the grill… usually on days when rain was pouring down or the grill was half buried in a snow drift. We finally had some nice weather and the air was filled with the smells of charcoal (and – to be honest – dog poo). Meka decided to try a recipe she picked up from her dad: stuff a chicken with lemons and rosemary and cook it on a rotisserie attachment. We just got the rotisserie for Christmas. It looked pretty simple. You skewer the chicken and then connect the pole into a motor at one end of the grill.

Meka skewered the chicken without a problem, but the legs kept flopping as the chicken rotated. She was concerned the legs would eventually fall off, so she stuck some wooden skewers into the chicken to keep the legs together. The skewers were too long and kept rotating into the flames. Soon they were on fire. Not good. We couldn’t find the garden clippers to cut the skewers down to size. Meka tried breaking them by hand, but the dripping chicken grease kept sending up flashes of flame past her knuckles. Finally, she tried string. At first, she had one piece. That was ineffective. She tried adding more and more until the legs, wings and pretty much the entire chicken was bound up like a package on Christmas morning… or the gimp in Pulp Fiction.

After the annoyance, splinters and scorched fingers, even Meka thought the end result was worth it. As for those of us who had offered “moral support” in lieu of any actual help, it was delicious. A few days later, Meka tried the recipe again. This time she used silicone based rubber bands. We got the same delicious chicken without all the drama. I highly recommend it.

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