Going to Extreme Lengths


With the way the economy is going, it’s nice to get more than less these days. I buy a bag of chips, a box of cereal, a candy bar and they’re all smaller than they used to be (of course, these purchases were all before I joined Weight Watchers). However, there is one consumer product where we’re getting too much for our money. Too much to be useful and too much to the point where it can be dangerous. I’m not normally a big fan of government regulation, but in this case I think it would be wise if someone stepped in and put a stop to the overuse and wasting of a precious natural resource.

Of course, I am talking about shoelaces.

I bought a new pair of sneakers not too long ago. They’re nice and comfortable and don’t have too many swoops and slashes on them. I wear them all the time, but they came with laces that would have been more at home on thigh high boots. When I tied them, I had bows that I could slip my head into like a noose. Even tied this wide, I still dragged the lace ends and tripped on them unless I tied them over and over and over again like a third grader (I can say this with confidence because I happen to have an actual third grader in the household).

I can remember having shoes when you would have an inch and a half after lacing up your shoes. I remember fumbling around, trying to tie tiny knots. However, those days are gone. Now all my shoes, even my work shoes have laces that I could manage while wearing boxing gloves.

Mercifully, you can still buy replacement shoelaces. I finally had enough and went out and purchased a pair. I measured the ones I had and then subtracted about six inches per lace. Surprisingly, that matched up pretty well with the eyelet to inch ratio listed on the back of the package for the new laces. If the shoe makers don’t want the government to step in with an agency of some kind, I suggest they follow their own rules. Give me laces that are long enough to tie and that’s it. For people who can’t handle normal length laces can use Velcro.

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