Political Mask Workarounds


We drove into Rockford to get Daniel a costume for Halloween after being skunked at Wal Mart.  There’s one of those temporary stores set up in the old Value City Furniture location.  Considering how big the store was, there was surprisingly little selection for kids.  We finally found a Jango Fett costume in the right size.  Jango Fett is Daniel’s favorite character from the Star Wars universe and we’ve been looking for that costume for a few years now.

“My Jango Fett is actually a good guy,” Daniel explained as we were waiting in line.

While the kids section covered half an aisle, almost half the store was geared for adults.  For the women, there was a choice of sexy maid, sexy firefighter, sexy Catwoman, sexy devil, sexy vampire and either sexy Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz or Sailor Moon (I couldn’t tell; they sort of dress the same way).  For the men, there was a wide selection of zombie costumes in various states of decay.  I suppose they were “sexy” zombies; I don’t swing that way myself, so I’m only guessing here.

Near the front of the store were the rubber masks that looked like politicians.  I remember Nixon and Reagan masks being the big sellers in years past.  I suppose that’s dating me; they didn’t have any masks going back farther than Bill Clinton.  I was surprised at how many “W” masks they still had on hand.  They were selling at half the price of the Clinton masks.  There were only a few Obama masks left, and no John McCain.  At first I thought they might be sold out; Rockford is pretty solidly Republican.  I asked up front and they replied they had never carried any McCain masks.  I could understand not having Sarah Palin masks.  She just showed up on the scene a month or so ago.  I’m sure it takes China awhile to retool the mask making machines.  But John McCain has been the nominee for the Republicans a lot longer than Barack Obama has been the nominee on the Democratic side.  It didn’t make sense.

So, I looked around to see what sort of workarounds there might be to offset the political mask shortage.  They didn’t have any Joe Biden masks, but they sold yellow plastic hair pre-molded into standard newscaster shape.  It could be Joe Biden, it could be Max Headroom.  I doubt anyone less politically astute than George Will would be able to tell the difference.  For potential Sarah Palins out there, I would recommend the sexy schoolmarm kit.  It comes with a pair of plastic glasses.  Adding a pointy witch hat would increase the irony, of course, but I’m not sure it would be worth the extra ten bucks.  As for McCain, they did offer a comb-over bald wig.  Combining that with one of the sexy zombie kits would probably come uncomfortably close to reality.

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