Haunted Pizza Trek


Meka was upstairs studying and Daniel and I had been left to our own devices.  It was the weekend, so we decided to put on a Star Trek episode.  I have been a Trekkie my entire life, even beforehand if you want to get technical.  I believe my mom was busy writing NBC letters to keep the show on the air while I was in the womb.

Meka and I enjoyed watching Enterprise together, but Daniel thinks the original series is best.  He likes the action and the music.  I have them all on DVD so we can quickly skip past Captain Kirk getting all mushy with the alien girls.  While he’s seen a lot of the episodes, he’s not very good with the names.  Usually if he can describe a scene or two, I can make an educated guess as to which one he wants to watch.  We were finishing up dinner and Daniel said he’d like to see the one with the haunted pizza.

That gave me pause.  ‘Haunted pizza’?  As Spock would say, I scanned my memory banks and came up with the episode Operation: Annihilate!  The nameless aliens look like cold lumps of melted cheese and fly around, attaching themselves to unsuspecting colonists, ship pilots and science officers.  I started to describe the episode to him: how a ship flies into the sun and Captain Kirk’s brother dies and Spock gets taken over.  Daniel looked skeptical and finally shook his head.  That wasn’t it.

Maybe The Immunity Syndrome?  The giant amoeba that eats an entire solar system and a Vulcan starship for dessert is a large colorful blotch that hangs in the void of space.  Every so often it seems to change shape.  When I was a kid, I thought it looked like a jellyfish.

“That’s a good episode!” said Daniel.  “I like that one.”

I asked, “Is that the haunted pizza?”

“No.”

Daniel finally described it to me.  He explained how the haunted pizza lived on the volcano planet.  It wore a rag and ate people.  He went into the family room and found our throw on the couch.  He slipped it over his back, hunched over and began wiggling his fingers on the rug in front of his face.  I knew in an instant which episode he meant.  It was The Devil in the Dark, featuring a silicon-based lifeform called the Horta.  Miners have been breaking her eggs (not realizing what they are).  I also knew – after having Daniel’s Horta impression permanently etched on my brain cells – I was never going to truly enjoy that particular episode again.

So, we passed on The Devil in the Dark and watched our favorite episode instead, The Doomsday Machine.  It features two starships in a space battle against a big blue ice cream cone from Hell.

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