Internet – 1, Imagination – 0

When I was a kid, we had to go to the library or look things up in an encyclopedia.  These days, I let my mind wander through Wikipedia and other sites online.  I find I learn something new every day.  Whether I actually want to learn it is another story.  When it comes to romance, I don’t even like to kiss and tell.  However, I can safely say that I’m pretty straightforward when it comes to sexuality.  I don’t seem to have much interest in the way of fetishes; I’ve never had the need to have Meka dress up in a costume, hit me with a sandwich or call me rude names.

Still, Meka and I are nothing if not creative.  One night, we decided to look up the most bizarre sexual practices we could think of.  We assumed that not only did someone somewhere get off on it, but there was probably an entire website devoted to its practice.  We weren’t disappointed.  Interested in having sex with insects?  You can dress your loved one up like a sexy ladybug or bumblebee for about fifty dollars.  My contribution was a colostomy bag fetish.  While we never found a site directly addressing that, we did locate a site featuring general stoma fetish (those extra holes people have following certain surgical procedures).

That led us to the cutters.  There are people who enjoy cutting people or cutting themselves in a sexual manner.  While the photographs were… interesting, what got us was the cutter porno movie.  The scene opened in a poorly lit room with a table that was supposed to be an OR.  A tired looking woman lay down and talked to the doctor standing above her.  As with all pornography, the acting was wooden at best.  Random music played in the background.  After a few moments, she closed her eyes and the doctor began to perform “surgery” with one of those fake knives you can pick up at a joke shop around Halloween.  The doctor got excited behind his surgical mask and the woman tossed and turned in badly acted ecstasy.  The climax was when he fumbled around underneath her and pulled out a piece of raw meat, an “organ” supposedly removed from her body.

“Oh!  Doctor!” she moaned breathlessly.

I remember both our mouths hanging open; every so often one of us would emit a tiny glubbing noise.  When it was all done, I felt like I really needed to take a shower.  The Neil Diamond Storytellers sketch from Saturday Night Live came to mind.  I guess that reinforced my fetish involving women who wear a wedding ring that matches mine that also share a love for laughing at the most inappropriate things on the Internet.



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